Blog – Page 9 – Brian Fence

My Drink of the Day…

Magnesium Citrate

…is pasteurized sparkling saline laxative! Huzzah for magnesium citrate! I get to quaff this entire bottle at 16:00 EDT today in prep for the wonderful exploration of my innards tomorrow. Don’t worry; I have another one tomorrow morning as well, in addition to some pills. WEE! Or the opposite thereof.

At least my gastroenterologist has promised not to write bad things on my bum. Since he has me on a clear liquid diet until 15:00-ish tomorrow, I’m wondering if I should mix the cherry-flavored fizzy citrate with vodka and make a fancy cocktail called “Brian’s Royal Flush.”

Okay, enough with the digestive humor. Getting ready to release the dramatic conclusion (ooooh…) to “The Eighth Bible of New Egypt,” and unlike previous installments this one will be released on Halloween (Thursday), which is only a few days. Get excited, and worry not: the growling you hear is not a monster; it’s my stomach. *whimper*

FLUTTERBRI

As I type this update, I am currently wearing a pair of pegasus wings and My Little Pony ears. Yes, I’m pretending to be Fluttershy. I have a shirt and a long pink tail to pin to my bum, but I’m saving that for Halloween.

Flutterbri

Part four of “The Eighth Bible of New Egypt” has been released, leading up to its conclusion next week on the 31st. Spoooooooky! Be sure to check it out and give it a share. 🙂 Word of mouth is how I roll, kiddos, so, uh… roll with me and tell your friends!

Speaking of sharing, my friend Chris has started a freelance typography business, and having sampled his work, he knows his stuff! Be sure to check it out at palermo-stone.com.

Wuts Video Game?

BUSY WEEK! Housesitting, housekeeping, working, writing… I haven’t even played any video games! Ah! At least it’s Friday, and I did manage to get the third part of my October serial, “The Eighth Bible of New Egypt” up. (Check it out here, or start from scratch at part one.)

Other than that, pretty much no work has been done on Apprentice this week because I’ve been running all over the place, or oddly enough, sleeping. This weekend I’m devoting to relaxation and good wine and, hopefully, loads more sleep.

On the news front, I’ve been invited to give an author talk at the Ocean County Library! It will take place on Tuesday, 28 January at 7 pm. More details to follow (as they come, and as I sort out what I’m going to blab about for an hour…)

Anyway! Innocuous (word of the YEAR) blog post all sorted out. IT’S FRIDAY! Time to Bao myself up!

Haunting of Bao

Happy October!

I’ve long thought the woods around me have been haunted, especially in the autumn months. You can feel a kind of cloying darkness in the night air, and sometimes even the moon (normally my ally) looks at you suspiciously.

I’m house-sitting at the moment, normally a source of great joy for me because I enjoy the alone time, but of course, the spirits, as always, appear to have it out for me. Around 23:00 last night, the security system goes off, a terrifying noise (especially when one is tucked into bed and trying to sleep!), and I was at a complete loss of what to do.

Was someone in the house? Was I about to be murdered? I’m one of those Americans who doesn’t have a gun, so in true coward fashion, I locked myself in my room and waited for the police to come. I contemplated using my MacBook Pro as a bludgeoning device but considered it was probably worth more than my body.

There were no attempts at forced entry as far as anyone could tell, so the police wrote it off as a ‘glitch in the system.’ Very comforting. I did what any crazy young man with an overactive imagination would do: I sat awake in bed with a vodka on the rocks, popped a Xanax, and watched My Little Pony for two hours while clutching an eight-inch chef’s knife.

Don’t expect much productivity from me today!

The Great Cheese Experiment

The other night, Tony and I were talking about a recent study conducted by the British Cheese Board (isn’t it wonderful that such a thing exists!?). The study (here) suggests that consumption of 20 grams of certain types of cheese will affect how one sleeps and/or dreams.

A great surprise then arrived yesterday in the form of fresh cheese, straight from England (thanks, Tony). Apparently, eating Cheshire 30 minutes before I fall asleep should result in a dreamless night of rest; the Red Leicester will have me reliving the days of my youth. The experiment begins tonight!

Eat Your October Serial!

That’s right, serial, not cereal. I’m pun-tastic this week, and you all love it.

We’ve had beautiful fall weather up until today; now, it’s hot and humid again, and it makes me want to throw a chair or a small goat out a window. Work on the book is still coming along (don’t worry; I got two thousand words in yesterday), but as October is my favorite month, and I love Halloween, I find myself mostly willing the leaves to fall and the weather to cool down.

A fellow author on Twitter, Joe Hart, is doing a bit of flash-fiction on his blog every day up until the 31st. As his is the genre of horror, he’s quite good at producing some really scary bits of prose. While I’m not nearly collected enough to work on the book AND produce something else every day, I’ve decided to do a serial, instead.

Each week leading up to Halloween, an installment of my upcoming short story, “The Eighth Bible of New Egypt,” will be posted. It’s hopefully a little bit of a departure from my other work (though perceptive people might make some connections) in that I’m going for a cliched, old-fashioned adventure themed around some death.

Sounds fun, right? In any case, the first installment is going live tomorrow, and I will no doubt spam the link everywhere, so come back and check it out!

2k and Some Unbitching

Neither rain nor sleet nor the bloody mucous of Consumption will stop a determined writer. Okay, I don’t have TB, but I sure feel like death served bleu on a nice white plate. Hack hack hack.

Still, I won’t be kept from writing! I stayed home today, but rather than wallow in bed and waste time with video games, I managed to hit my daily goal of 2000 words, meaning chapter twelve is almost done. It’s a really interesting chapter for me, because some weird stuff goes down in ten and eleven, and twelve involves cleaning up the aftermath. Basically, I’m making Lenna less of an insufferable bitch.

This is not for the readers’ benefits so much as mine. It was either give her a good shake up, or kill her. Really. Actually, I’m happy she has a moment to start dealing with her issues like an adult (now if only I could rewrite certain family members as easily, life would be even grander).

The drugs to stop me from coughing up my lungs may have encouraged this playful pastiche to Twilight (oooh, yay for big words!), but I couldn’t help but have a little bit of fun in a relatively serious chapter. (Don’t worry; this snippet isn’t in the actual book, and those who don’t get the joke… well, nevermind.)

/cast “Book Love” on Bao

I’ve made it no secret in my past several posts that I’ve been hooked — okay, I’m a junkie — on Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn. I think it’s some sort of validation for how hard I worked as a white mage back in the days of FFXI.

Anyway, last night I told my Free Company (the equivalent of a guild, for those uninformed) that I was a writer, and they not only showed tremendous support but several members purchased copies of Librarian! If that’s not the magic of friendship, I don’t know what is, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t join the right FC.

Thanks, everyone!

PS — on chapter twelve! Eagerly awaiting beta-reader feedback!

Magical Tree Killing

I didn’t watch the Emmy Awards last night, but had a Doctor Who marathon instead, which means that while I may have lost some gay street-cred, my geek cred is through the roof. Aw, yeah.

The autumnal air is OUT (bringing my allergies with it…) and it fills me with warm, pumpkiny feelings. I want fireplaces! Magic! Sweaters! Magic! Halloween! Magic! Did I mention I think this is the most magical time of year?

For those of you who’ve been worried about my progress, worry not! I can pretty much officially say that the first draft of Apprentice is half-way done. I’M SORRY FOR KILLING YOU, TREES, BUT I NEED SOMETHING TO WRITE ON IN RED PEN! (PS, Mister Editor, I’m expecting those annotations soon!)

Apprentice (1-11) — 254 pages of tree-killing sin.

Some Cocoa Butter, Please

So, aside from the fact that my very nicely compartmentalized heart — mended all tidy-like from a year of therapy and some really fun drugs — has been torn to shreds in less than a week when I finally decided to let it be vulnerable again, I wanted to let you all know that contrary to my previous post, not everything in life is the utter crap-show I made it sound like. Some reasons:

The weather is nice and I have two pumpkins. Considering from the first purchase until Halloween I average about two pumpkins a day, the tally this year will be epic. This is key to my autumnal happiness.
I snapped up a 4″ Shining Armor pony (he’s kind of smexy) and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Monopoly, the latter of which is sure to provide hours of drunken amusement. Pinkie Pie will be screaming, “CANTERLOT IS MIIIIINE. WITH TWO COTTAGES, 700 BITS!”
I go to the gastroenterologist tomorrow. That doesn’t sound exciting, but keeping all the Bao parts in prime working order is becoming a big priority post-30. And who doesn’t love a barium milkshake!?
iOS 7 produces effects similar to being on mushrooms. Really. Using my iPhone is now like swiping Psilocybin AND BOOM! You’re manning the helm on the newly-designed Enterprise bridge from Star Trek.
Oh yeah, chapter ten turned out to be CHAPTERS TEN AND ELEVEN, which is happy news, as it’s (1) one less chapter needed writing, and (2) there’s some pretty big character development, and I hope it gives the reader some insight into some of the protagonists’/antagonists’/non-tagonists’ motivations. There’s also a big WAIT WUT? clue in there, and I hope that when the beta readers finish chapter eleven, they’re wondering about certain connections. Or lack thereof. (Beta-readers will be getting copies tomorrow.)

So, okay, that was a crummy list, and I know I’m whinging… but hey, what is an author supposed to do with his blog? Still, there are some good things to look forward to, like the new Sailor Moon musical, Downton Abbey (hope it doesn’t suck like last series), Strictly Come Dancing, and getting to level 50 white mage in FFXIV. Crap, I sound pathetic.

WELL, I LOVE MY FRIENDS.

In conclusion, reinforcing my new-found calling as Drunken Enlightened Buddha (DEB), I give you all out there a big ol’ fortune cookie of advice: never sign up to be someone’s emotional surrogate; sure, it doesn’t seem like a long period of time at first, but the stretch marks will last forever.